by Bigred42 in the profiles
My name is John. I am 55 years old and was born with cerebral palsy in 1953. I was the 4Th son to arrive in my Family. My Mother was a stay at home Mother, and my Father worked for The American Can Co. He was a plant controller also a Harvard graduate. My Mother I don’t remember at all she passed away when I was a little over 2 years old from Bone Cancer.
My Dad remarried when I was about 4 years old. My stepmother I couldn’t have had a better Mother had 2 sons and a daughter who were also older than myself. They had 2 sons and a daughter of their own. Big Jim My Dad was busy. LOL
The doctors said I would never walk or talk. I started doing both about 6 weeks after my Mother passed away. I was close to 3 years old. At 5 years old my hands started to close up if you look at one of my pictures. My Family left me alone a lot for me to figure out how to adapt to the world on my own. If I really needed help I would ask them. I rarely ask anybody for help.
I have known since i was 5 years old that I was gay, but I instinctively knew to keep it to myself. I was raised Catholic, and that reinforced my silence for many years. I was always afraid of embarrassing the Family or shaming them–so I blended in what many gay people do. I always felt as a child things would get better as I got older–that people would be accepting and open to people in my situation. That day really never came for me.
I went to school with other disabled kids until the 7Th grade, and then I was mainstreamed into public school. Became kind of a wild child but in a low key way so kids would not make fun or pick on me. I tried to please everybody and too be everybody’s friend.
I did not date in high school, and nobody knew I was gay. I smoked, drank, got high, and cursed like a sailor nobody knew, and then to other people they would have been shocked to hear me swear at all.
At 21 I had an encounter with Mrs. Robinson, and it only lasted about 10 minutes. I got dressed, and was out of there in 5 minutes. I figured I had to prove to myself that I was gay. At 26 I had my first experience with a man, and it was wonderful. I really didn’t come out to everybody in my Family until I was 48 years old.
My Dad’s middle name was Redmond, and he gave it to me. He died hen I was 42 and that is when I got my first computer. I found gay sites and men on line, and that opened a whole new world to me. I was so alone and isolated before then I drive but now at night. I am legally blind in one eye and my night vision is not the best.
I am thankful to Rob & Manny for having this site. so much of our world is geared to the young. I have always connected with older people. Many older people are sexually active, and many older people have had a hard time with their sexuality also. I am thankful Rob and Manny are helping give me more exposure. I am kind of shy, but I didn’t have any role models to follow growing up, and I have done some public speaking the last few years and enjoy it. I believe more than ever this is what I was meant to do with my life.
Again thanks Rob and Manny and thanks for having this site, and video’s. We as gay people should not feel ashamed for who we are BUT we should celebrate it everyday. Look forward to getting feedback from you, and I hope I have something to bring to the table,
Sincerely,
John
“Follow your heart that is what keeps us all human. Gay people want love and respect like everybody else in this world.” John
by Bigred42 in the profiles
Last night I saw a great Movie on TV a Hall Mark movie about a guy who had Turret Syndrome, and he wanted to grow up to be a teacher. It was Great! He didn’t want teachers to teach kids the way they did with him, and he wanted to teach kids who had difficulties themselves. He wanted to also teach others to respect one another. I may have to buy the DVD. That one may me quite emotional–brought back some memories as a kid, and how other kids treated me. I have heard similar stories from other disabled people too. The world is made up of bullies unfortunately, and sometimes the only way to combat that is to make friends with other people who will help stand up for you.
I accepted my disability at age 8 years old within a few hours. My parents told me I would be disabled all my life, and I cried for a while and fell a sleep. When I woke up I thought about it. I came to the conclusion that “GOD DIDN’T MAKE MISTAKES, AND MY DISABILITY AND SEXUALITY WERE NOT A MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!. i FIGURED WE AND ALL DISABLED CHILDREN WERE CHOSEN TO SHOW “NORMAL PEOPLE ” WHAT THEY HAD GOING FOR THEM. I BELIEVED AT THAT AGE WE WERE CHOSEN BY GOD FOR THIS. IF ID DIDN’T I WOULD HAVE BEEN ANGRY AND FELT CHEATED BY LIFE, AND MAYBE EVEN HARMED OR KILLED MYSELF FROM FEELING AND LOOKING LIKE A FREAK.” I was only 8 years old but that is how I looked at my disability as a gift. I have never gotten preachy about God and my views on “GOD” have changed over the years. Too each his own if they believe or not. The important thing to me in this life is love and respect.
I have a friend who has a son who has autism, and have known many parents who have had disabled children.I love how my friend Dan loves and cares about his autistic son. It gives me some insight what it would be like to have a disabled son if I was normal. Thanks Dan for sharing with me over the years. It has helped give me more insight to life. Each one of US is unique in our own way, and we all bring something to the table. We can make people feel uncomfortable about life. “I don’t mean to be an uppity crippled Sir, and if you don’t want me to look you in the eye that is your problem not mine. We all don’t like what we see in the mirror at times, but our self images are our own problems.” So if other people are unhappy with their lives and their riches, materialism, mobility and lives don’t blame US. After all it is all part of being in the Family of Man.
When my Father died I bought my first computer to write. Wrote to a lot of gay people and tried to get my writing out there. NO reply and it made people nervous. So I used technology to my advantage and went world wide. People all over the world have heard part of my story, and that gives me some personal satisfaction.
A friend sent me this message this morning and it made my Day. Hi John: I am reading your pieces of literature and marvel at your power of expression. I envy you for this gift of yours. Thanks so much Adam.
I went through hard times in 7Th and 8Th grade, and since i started my musings about my life and sexuality I complicated my life more on certain levels. I found myself having to prove my inherent worth and dignity to people all over again. some people freaked out instead of talking to me, and in turn they shock my confidence which could have destroyed me, but they didn’t realize how strong my connections from my past were and how people have always believed in me when I doubted myself. Too have people believe in you is the greatest gift of all. Since i have started my musing more people are afraid of me and even shun me. I don’t care there is know turning back. Do your double talk and do your dancing, and US disabled people will pity your fear and your doubt for not loving one another. I do not mean to be throwing cake, but sometimes one needs to believe in themselves when others are afraid to open their eyes, look and listen.
This afternoon after I am done with my chores I will probably go to I tunes and sky so high. I will click on music from the 50’s to present day, and like a savant the words come to me and I will fly so high. Music has always helped me forget my emotional and physical pain in this life. It doesn’t give a damn if I am disabled or gay. I will fly so high, and then I will deal with others later and wonder why are people so unhappy in this life.
Kirchenstaat richtet sich gegen EU-Kampagne gegen Strafbarkeit der Homosexualität – Italienischer Verband fürchtet zu großen Einfluss des Vatikans in der UNO
Rom – Der Vatikan kritisiert einen Vorschlag Frankreichs, das im Namen aller EU-Mitglieder der UNO ein Projekt zur weltweiten Aufhebung der Strafbarkeit der Homosexualität vorlegen will. Der Vatikan begrüße zwar jede Initiative zum Schutz der Menschenrechte und verwerfe jegliche Form der Diskriminierung gegen Homosexuelle. Frankreichs Initiative bei der UNO könne jedoch als politische Erklärung betrachtet werden, mit der man eine Kategorie von Menschen vor der Diskriminierung beschützen wolle, ohne zu berücksichtigen, dass man damit neue Formen von Diskriminierung einführe, sagte der Vatikan-Vertreter bei der UNO, Bischof Celestino Migliore, nach Angaben italienischer Medien vom Dienstag.
“Länder, die die Ehe zwischen gleichgeschlechtlichen Personen nicht anerkennen, könnten unter Druck gesetzt werden, sollte die UNO Frankreichs Dokument annehmen”, so der Bischof. Frankreich will am 10. Dezember anlässlich des 60. Jahrestag der UNO-Menschenrechtserklärung seinen Vorschlag zur Aufhebung der Strafbarkeit der Homosexualität vorlegen.
“Verbündung mit Diktaturen”
Die Position des Vatikans sorgte für heftige Kritik in Italien. “Der Vatikan verteidigt die Todesstrafe für Homosexuelle”, protestierte der italienische Verband für die Rechte der Homosexuellen Arcigay. “Dank des besonderen Status, den der mittelalterliche Vatikan-Staat bei der UNO genießt, kann die Kirchenlobby Druck auf alle Länder ausüben, damit zivile Rechte nicht anerkannt werden. Der Vatikan verbündet sich somit mit Diktaturen jeglicher Art, darunter auch den islamischen”, sagte der Arcigay-Präsident Aurelio Mancuso. Der Verband kündigte Protestkundgebungen vor dem Vatikan an.
Das italienische Außenminister bestätigte, dass Italien wie die anderen 26 EU-Partner Frankreichs Dokument zur Aufhebung der Strafbarkeit der Homosexualität unterzeichnet habe. Papst Benedikt XVI. hat in den letzten Monaten wiederholt Eheschließungen unter Homosexuellen verurteilt. (APA)